Do I have a Family?

Do I have a family?  This is a question I have asked myself often throughout the eons, I have had not the time to explore this possibility.  Being the Boat Man does not leave much time to contemplate the totality of my own existence, I sometimes feel it is better to ignore this notion of a family because that would mean there is something I have lost that I do not remember.  To have a piece of oneself erased is a deep wound with no pain, you know and understand you are injured but  cannot fathom how bad or gravely you are.

I have begun to put immense thought into this during my vacation and feel it is time to explore this lost side of me.  I am not sure where to begin with this journey.  I have decided a good first step will be to return to the place of my earliest memory to see if there might be something which will jog memories long since forgotten.

The oldest memory I have is a brief flash of a campfire surrounded by people laughing.  I get the feeling of comfort and familiarity when I feel that memory, as if I belong.  But then the memory turns from joyful laughing to horrified screams before I am cast into the fire to burn.  I do not understand this memory or what may have happened that night.  I do not understand how joy and comfort can turn to utter terror with no lead up.  What happened?

To understand this I need to go back to the Styx and stand in the river itself without being swept away.  It is a dangerous task even for myself.  The Styx is the river of time and it is mighty.  Even a god can be swept away under the tumultuous current.  A entity standing in the river will experience the totality of time all at once.  This can drive even the most powerful beings in the universe insane.  I have seen it.  If I am to do this I must find a human soul to tether my mind to in order to stay grounded in the era that I currently inhabit or I myself may become lost to time.  This is not something that must ever be done under any circumstances but I feel at this point the risk my pale in comparison to the benefit of understanding where I have come from.

Tomorrow I will step from this world to my own and submerge myself in the Styx.  I pray this will give some clarity to my existence and pre-existence. Upon making this decision for the first time in so many centuries I am aware of my own mortality.  Is this how humans feel everyday?  I truly envy the daily courage of the living and their strength to keep fighting against me even in their final moments, grasping for that few extra seconds above water before they are dragged off to the deep.

Tonight I will walk among the cities of the world for a compatible human to tether myself to this era, I deeply apologize to the human I select.  Although there will be no permanent harm it will be a very jarring experience.  You will see what I see, hear what I hear.  For a few moments we will become one entity existing throughout the whole of time and space.  May your journey with me be once of education and wonder instead of fear.